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James T. Harris

Simple Dan

Hey Ma! I got hate mail!

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Hey Ma! I got hate mail!

The editor of Tucson Weakly doesn’t like The Beautiful Man. Now, we’ve never met, but apparently that doesn’t matter. He has listened to my show a few times and, alas, I am not Jon Justice therefore he can’t get his “head around” me. 

 

Sniff. I need a tissue.

 

In this week’s edition of the Tucson Weekly, Mr. Gibson asks:

“If someone can explain to me how James T. Harris still has a radio show, I'd really be interested to hear from you.” He then went on to describe a Twitter fight that he started with me over a blog that I had recently penned. (Had I known that he was light on info and was trying to pick a fight in order to pad his editorial, I may have tweeted with more vigor!) Anyway, after criticizing my style and content, Dan ended his thoughts with this strange admission: “I still can't get my head around Harris.”

 

He “still can't get [his] head around… [The Circus]” That’s sad.

 

It reminds me of a scene from the movie “Tropic Thunder” because ‘I, I ma-ma-ma-made Dan confused.’  Yes, Simple Jack. The movie within the movie.  The James T. Harris Show is stuck in Simple Dan’s head and is making his head hur, hur, hur, hurt.

 

I’m sorry but when critics claim not to get my shtick, I think they are lying to mask other motives.

 

Dan, the show is called “The Conservative Circus,” and first of all… First. Of. All. I am an entertainer. The purpose of the show is to entertain and inform. What Dan can’t handle is the fact that I am Beautiful, that the show is funny, and that—wait for it—I am CONSERVATIVE!

 

Let me make it simple… Dan. (Snicker) Think of me like a radio version of Jon Stewart, only without the massive writing staff, and the cash and… Well I did say keep it simple.

 

Dan Gibson lost his head over three words among hundreds. I barely mentioned his fish-wrap and he goes all a-twitter. Man up Dan! Cornball brothas like me, Ben Carson, and RG3 are used to taking hits from liberal like you all the time. Back in Milwaukee, I was assigned an asterisk by a local lefty because I was deemed a fake black…like Justice Clarence Thomas! Ah, what rarefied air! (Yep, I’ll take my place among the greats, ‘cause all conservatives look alike to liberals… Until they don’t!) We grin, we bear it, we watch, we study… and in the end… we outlast and overcome…

 

Cue the music! Sing with me! We shall overcoooome, we shall overcoooome…

 

Now, that’s the kind of stuff that guys like Simple Dan understand, that is the kind of stuff he CAN get his mind around.

 

Or…

 

There is always the possibility that Dan got his marching orders from his *pulp fiction publishers to do whatever it takes to gin up interest in his tired old medium and crusty a$$ limousine liberalism… I mean how Saul Alinsky of him! RULE 12: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.” In other words find a Beautiful Man, strike out at him, marginalize him and become... what? Become relevant again? Now that’s true free-market, community organizing in action!

 

If that is the case, I just might respect this publicity-seeking stunt. That’s something that even I can get my head around… 

 

Except that I’m still not interested.

 

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